The Best Life: The Pregnancy Edition
I totally just took a belly picture in a bikini to post today, but then I laughed so so so hard that my eyes got all blurry and I decided I liked you all WAY too much to put you through that. You’re welcome.
So instead, I present you with the outcome of my first pregnancy.
Listen. They can’t ALL be precious little cherubs.
I’m writing this morning from the comfort of my own couch. A rare, but blissful, event! I have my GLORIOUS pregnancy to thank for this, so naturally I made it the topic of today’s BEST LIFE.
I know many people who hate being pregnant. Like, seriously HATE it. They spend the whole time throwing up, or tired and cranky, or in all kinds of pain. NOT ME, kittens! I ADORE being pregnant! I’ve never thrown up from it and although I’m reaching the point now where everything on the planet is uncomfortable, it’s still completely amazing.
1. FOOD. All of it. Do you have ANY IDEA how much you can eat when you’re growing a whole new person inside you? I mean, I know you’re not technically supposed to eat everything on the planet for every meal, but people ENCOURAGE it! They WANT you to be well-fed at all times. People feel better about THEMSELVES if they can provide food for your growing fetus. Are you so selfish that you would take that joy away from them? Are you??? Because I’m totally not. So if anyone is reading, I the baby likes baked goods a LOT.
2. Not Doing Stuff. Are you tired of doing stuff? You know, STUFF. Anything. Menial tasks that just kind of suck. Don’t like changing the litter box? Don’t want to sort through all the boxes in the basement? Tired of cleaning the bathroom? GUESS WHAT. You can’t do it anymore. It’s bad for the baby. Don’t exert yourself, expose yourself to chemicals, or in any way make yourself deliberately uncomfortable. DANGER DANGER! No one can expect you to risk the BABY! So sure, making dinner probably isn’t treacherous in any way, but should you really take that chance? Put your feet up, mama…you’re creating LIFE.
3. Sexy Times. Pregnancy sex rocks. TRUST ME. If you haven’t had it yet, go IMMEDIATELY and get knocked up and I promise, you’ll thank me.
4. Time Off. Ahhhhhhhhhhh…and this brings us to today. There are all kinds of reasons that you will find yourself with time off when you’re pregnant. Every month will have at least one day where you book a half day off for an appointment of some sort. I have this down to a science. I always book my midwife for 1:00 because they never have a back-up after lunch, and it gets me on my way as early as possible to enjoy the rest of the child-free afternoon until I pick the Toddler Tornado up from daycare. Today is a morning appointment because I have to get some blood drawn to make sure we don’t have gestational diabetes. This sucks a little bit because I’m not eating until AFTER the appointment and I’m HUNGRY (see point #1) but guess what? I’m totally going to have a Blizzard for breakfast. Because I haven’t had one yet this year and I CAN, that’s why.
Which flavour? ALL OF THEM!
Picture from couponconnections.com
But I digress. The most AMAZING time off comes post-baby. Americans, you might want to close your eyes for this one. Did you know that they give us a year off? Paid! A year! Just to hang out with our new babies!!! What could be more amazing than that?
So, dear friends, when you see me, don’t question the smile. I know I’m getting massively blimp-like. I know that giving birth doesn’t tickle. I know that I’m in for some sleepless nights. But it doesn’t matter. I’m creating life.
Now can you please pick that up for me and bring me some donuts? I’ll be on the couch. Thanks…you’re a doll!
A YEAR?!! I’m moving.
Right??? A YEAR. It’s magical and fantastic and all things good.
Thank you for this. All of it. I hear so many women complaining about it all that I was about to go back on the pill. I was second guessing my own knowledge. Thank you.
And may you have many more sexy times…and brownies….with smarties in them.
Stay off the pill!!! Get knocked up and then have even MORE sex. And then we’ll order brownies together because baking and/or going to pick up food may hurt the baby.
I just snorted I laughed so hard at this!
My work here is done.
Honestly, there is a lot to complain about for sure (namely the throwing up 😦 ), but I wouldn’t trade it for the world either. All the aches and pains, if you have the right attitude, start to feel normal and become more invisible over time. Feeling the baby move is the most magical thing in life. Seriously. Also, the sex is the most amazing ever, no lie. You might not want it much during the first tri, but persevere because after week 14… oh mama! 😉 And the dreams are hilarious… I had another awesome one last night, but it’s NSFW! lol I could go on…
Your blog wasn’t one of them that was scaring and I have in fact un-followed most of them that were. You guys give me courage.
I just don’t think about birth..how long can that hell actually last? (please don’t answer that)
UGH! I just wrote a whole reply and WP deleted it for me. Nice huh? I was just saying that I know my blog didn’t scar you since you stick around. There’s so much awesomeness and the bad stuff is made all the better by making light of it.
As for birth, I won’t answer the specific question as you asked, but I will say that I’m not afraid. Again, it’s all in the attitude. Yes, it will hurt, but the more you resist and tense up the more it will hurt, so I’m doing yoga, concentrating on breathing through pain etc. I watched my mom deliver a 12lb baby without a single scream! It can be done 🙂
That’s amazing. I scream if I stub my toe…not so much because of the pain but my AWESOME vocal chords. I will scream…even if it just tickles.
OOOO!!! You need to do a video post! The world needs to hear your awesome vocal chords!
lol. Me and camera’s don’t mix. And you would all go deaf if you heard my nasally droll.
I’m not afraid, either. In fact, I’m TOTALLY excited for the birth! I’m pumped to be doing it at home and I’ve been reading a lot of really inspirational and empowering birth stories (omg, my inner hippie totally just made me say that) and IT WILL BE AWESOME!
The dreams are NUTS!!! I forgot to talk about the dreams!
Um, excuse me… If I rocked a bikini for the blogosphere so can you! But I very strategically had that pic taken lying down… standing up, yeah… I have one of those that made me laugh as well. I had actually been wearing a tankini because I felt so ridiculous, but I also decided that the oh so pale tone of my skin (thank you Irish parent!) + the pregnant belly = beluga whale. I needed to take action, so out came the bikini. Someone actually called me ‘tan’ the other day! This is unheard of. Red, yes. Freckled, yes. But TAN!?
Also, if you really want doughnuts, those doughnut mini muffins are way healthier… so see? Love, not hate. You’re welcome!
My pic was not-so-strategically taken by my of myself standing in my very dated bathroom with too much crap on the counter and OH THE HORROR!!!!
I’ll be making the muffins this weekend, I think. OOO!!! I should totally have a Muffin Monday segment on the blog! WEEKLY muffins to look forward to!
I support this!
I demand my belly picture! You promised me one with Zofia!!!
YES YES YES!!! It will happen! Probably this week!
i was always taught never to deny a pregnant woman anything. you’re my hero… so smart. eager to meet bob marley 🙂
You were taught well, my friend.
You and Bob Marley will be fast friends…I can tell already!
PS – “sexy times” — awesome!
I am an American and as much as I hated being pregnant I would stay that way if I got a whole year off work with pay! I can not tell you how insanely jealous I am!! I am glad you are enjoying your pregnancy! It seems to suit you well!
A WHOLE YEAR!!!! It makes me want to have 14 kids and get my own tv show!
A whole year? You really do have the best life! I’m so glad you posted some of the great things about pregnancy. I have known far too many women to just complain about every little thing when a bun is in the oven. This post is refreshing and hopefully, someday I can be like you and take pregnancy in a positive and joyous manner. Rub the bump for luck for me! 🙂
Consider my bump rubbed!
I want to see the belly pic!!! Who’s with me??
Whoa, I think I just got lost in the comments there. But I made it out to the bottom!
I’m suuuuuper scared of being sick if I ever get pregnant. All the bc pills I’ve taken have made me throw up regularly, so I know that there’s plenty of sickness in store for me:( It’s okay though, were I to get pregnant my boyfriend would develop some sort of Frightened Wide Eye Syndrome and flee the country.
I’ll just have to bide my time and enjoy vicariously through you;)
I’ll be sure to enjoy it a little bit extra, just for you! And hopefully, when it happens, you won’t get sick at all! Maybe you’re getting it all out of the way now?
Having the twins gave me double all day sickness and I was still being physically ill up to 28 weeks…BUT, I miss being pregnant!! I miss seeing my belly blossom, feeling and seeing my babies poke around inside me and going to ultrasounds! *sigh*
That’s so very lovely and refreshing to hear you love being pregnant and I would have loved to have seen your beautiful belly picture, I couldn’t stop taking pictures of mine, especially in bikinis! Hehe : )
Twins would be so much extra exciting and fabulous! I mean, I’m sure that all the yucky stuff would be extra yucky, but to watch them wiggle around and feel all the glowy goodness – how AMAZING!!!
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