I Got Biology Wrong

Sit down, you guys, because I’m about to tell you something you won’t hear me say very often.  Because it doesn’t happen very often.

I was wrong.

When I told you all that girls don’t poop, I had forgotten about kids.  Kids DO poop.  Quite often.

This book is taking it a bit far, I think.
Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

This morning, the Toddler Tornado came toddling down the hallway, as toddlers do, and told me that she needed a new diaper.  She pooped.

Um, ok.  She never asks us to change her diaper, so this is new and exciting.  And yes, childless friends, this is what excitement looks like once you start breeding.

Upon closer inspection, she wasn’t wearing a diaper.  Uh oh.  I did a quick check and found her diaper, indeed full of poop, neatly placed on the couch.  She took it off and wanted a new one!  IS SHE GROWING UP???  Because I did NOT authorize this.

This brings me to a new adventure.  Potty training.  You guys, I know NOTHING about potty training.

I know how I’d like it to go.

See how HAPPY she is? And how CLEAN she looks?
Picture from pottytraining.ca

And I also know the more likely scenario.

This one is still much cleaner than I expect. But closer to the truth, I’m sure.
Picture courtesy of singingthroughtherain.net

All I know for SURE is that I’m scared.  I don’t know how to do this, but I DO know that we have carpet.

There are a couple of schools of thought on the subject.  One is a slower approach, full of pull-up diapers and I’m not even really sure how it works.  The other is a quick and dirty (see what I did there) method, which tells you to throw out the diapers and spend a weekend (or a week?  I can’t remember) just doing a lot of cleaning.

How are EITHER of these things a good idea?  They both sound horrendous and GROSS to me.  No one goes to college still in diapers, can’t we just WAIT until they figure this shit out?  hahahaha…shit.  See?  It’s all funny all the time here.

Being the instant gratification girl that I am, I think we’re going to go with method #2.  OMG I JUST CALLED IT METHOD #2!!!  YOU GUYS!  I had no idea that potty training would be so full of hidden jokes!

Back to method #2.  I think we’ll take the September long weekend and start then, and be diaper-free moments later.  Sounds good, right?  RIGHT!  But if any of y’all have any sage advice to offer, please do.  I need some major hand holding here.  I think that this is when parents become real parents, and I don’t know if I can do it!

You’re potty trained, right?  How did YOU learn?

 

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