Baby talk

You guys, it’s not even midnight yet and I’m already bored of New Year’s resolutions.  As much as I love a fresh start (and we all know I looooove a fresh start!) let’s take a moment to reflect on some glorious shit that can’t be captured by a resolution. I woke up this morning to the most amazing post in a group that I’m a part of that has totally restored my faith in humanity.  Not because the post was so profoundly brilliant because I assure you it’s NOT but because I instantly knew that my ragtag posse of deviant hoodlums would appreciate it as much as I do. Imagine if you will, a young mother who hears her precious little toddler utter a harsh profanity and for a moment, she can’t believe her ears.  “It can’t be…I must have misheard!”  But there it is again.  Clear as day.  “FUCK!”  HORROR OF HORRORS, MY CHILD IS SWEARING!!!  Now, if you have young children, you know that at one point everything they say sounds like “fuck”.  Truck, fox, duck, fork…Jesus Christ, they’re babies, they barely know they’re alive…they’re just making noises!  Most people I know would just ignore it or laugh it off.  NOT THIS PARTICULAR MOM.  She takes it to the internet, looking for ways to erase the kid’s memory.  Are you kidding me right now?  Erase the kid’s memory. I can’t even imagine what life in her house must be like if this is her first instinct.  VIVA LE INTERNET for bringing me this glorious little nugget first thing this morning.


OMG WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT AWFUL WORD??? Never mind. Just be cool and look into my penis-shaped forgetter machine.
(pic from

My resolution today is to take it easy and not resolve to do anything unless it revolves around good friends, lemon drops (because all good resolutions involve vodka) and laughing until tears run down my legs. CHEERS TO YOU ALL, my faithful readers!  I hope that your 2014 ends with a blast and that 2015 is filled with countless hours spent glued to your monitor, reading my blog.