Here I Am!

A few weeks ago my darling Husbandio, my super sexy soul mate, the father of my children, the owner of my heart, gazed lovingly into my eyes from across the garage and said those little words that every woman needs to hear.

What the fuck is wrong with you lately???

STAND BACK, LADIES!  He’s taken.

In all seriousness, he meant it in a loving way.  It wasn’t uttered maliciously or with any ill-intent.  He just genuinely wanted to know what the fuck had been wrong with me lately.

I instantly knew what he was talking about, and maybe that was what made his delivery seem ok.  I had felt randomly lost for several weeks.  Nothing major had happened…no big changes that we could pinpoint, no new stresses had popped up.  But for some reason, I was just going through the motions.  I was wishy-washy and absent-minded.  I was forgetting everything.  Husbandio said that sometimes he would watch me standing in the kitchen and I would just be standing there in a daze.  He could almost see my brain spinning.

steve martin, head spin

This was my standard “why did I come into the kitchen again?” expression. I know. I kinda want to kiss me, too.
(picture from giphy.com)

My immediate problem now became how do you fix something when you don’t really know what is broken?  Tricky, right?  How can I snap right back to my regular life and rejoin the land of the living?  In instances when there is a root problem that causes you to disconnect, or maybe some sort of depression or imbalance, you treat that, right?  But what if those variables don’t seem to exist?  What if you’re just spinning your wheels for the sake of being spinny?

This brings us to my next, and maybe most important, resolution.  Be present.  It sounds simple, and you know what?  It is.  Be present.  The day after Husbandio so gracefully pointed out that I was in outer space, I woke up and landed back on Earth.  Snapping out of my haze and talking about it for a couple of hours had somehow made me aware enough to start catching myself when I started to drift.  It wasn’t automatic, but all of a sudden I was writing things down, and maybe even just paying more attention to everything.  I found that for a while, I hadn’t even really been paying attention to my own words.  I would say things and my own voice sounded muffled in my head.  But now it was different.  I was there.  Things were much more crisp.

I think that people make things more complicated than they need to be.  You don’t always need to overthink every thought that floats through your head.  You don’t need to dig dig dig until you make up problems to make yourself feel alive.  Just wake up.  Pay attention.  Be present.  Lots of good things are happening, we just need to open our eyes.

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