Bittersweet Goodbyes

It’s a happy sad day here today, kittens.  I’m a mushy bag of mixed emotions and all I can really do is ride it all one wave at a time.

Last night, I nursed my sweet baby boy for the last time.  He’s thirteen months old, so we made it longer than some, shorter than others.  I’m satisfied with our nursing relationship and confident in the knowledge that now is the time for it to come to an end, but it’s still a rollercoaster for me today.

Bob Marley was an amazing nurser right from the get-go.  We didn’t have any latching issues, any supply issues, or any other random issues that so many women are plagued with.  I’m fully aware of how blessed we were to have such an easy time.  Bob Marley has always been a snuggly, calm, happy baby and nursing him has been an honour and a joy.  The Tornado fully rebelled against any and all bottles, and quite frankly I HATE pumping, so I didn’t bother even trying with Bob-o.  He was straight from the tap for every feeding of his entire life.  That’s a looooooooooooong thirteen months, you guys!  As much as I love it and adore that baby, it’s time to stop.  He’s old enough to make the switch to cow’s milk, and he’s such a great eater that he doesn’t need me for nourishment anymore.

My factory is officially closing next month, so Bob Marley will be my last child and I think that made last night a bit more poignant for me.  As we lay together before bedtime, I knew that this was it.  This would be the last time I would ever, ever nurse.  I held his hand, tickled his chin, and kissed his little forehead.  I snuggled him tight, listened to him breathe, and just held that moment in my heart for as long as I could.  I love this little boy so so so much.

And now I’m getting all emotional at my desk, so instead of typing through the tears, I’ll just leave you with a picture taken this summer.  No nursing pictures, just one of a cute little boy enjoying some sunshine.  Because he is MY sunshine.

Bob Marley

He makes my soul smile