Bittersweet Goodbyes
It’s a happy sad day here today, kittens. I’m a mushy bag of mixed emotions and all I can really do is ride it all one wave at a time.
Last night, I nursed my sweet baby boy for the last time. He’s thirteen months old, so we made it longer than some, shorter than others. I’m satisfied with our nursing relationship and confident in the knowledge that now is the time for it to come to an end, but it’s still a rollercoaster for me today.
Bob Marley was an amazing nurser right from the get-go. We didn’t have any latching issues, any supply issues, or any other random issues that so many women are plagued with. I’m fully aware of how blessed we were to have such an easy time. Bob Marley has always been a snuggly, calm, happy baby and nursing him has been an honour and a joy. The Tornado fully rebelled against any and all bottles, and quite frankly I HATE pumping, so I didn’t bother even trying with Bob-o. He was straight from the tap for every feeding of his entire life. That’s a looooooooooooong thirteen months, you guys! As much as I love it and adore that baby, it’s time to stop. He’s old enough to make the switch to cow’s milk, and he’s such a great eater that he doesn’t need me for nourishment anymore.
My factory is officially closing next month, so Bob Marley will be my last child and I think that made last night a bit more poignant for me. As we lay together before bedtime, I knew that this was it. This would be the last time I would ever, ever nurse. I held his hand, tickled his chin, and kissed his little forehead. I snuggled him tight, listened to him breathe, and just held that moment in my heart for as long as I could. I love this little boy so so so much.
And now I’m getting all emotional at my desk, so instead of typing through the tears, I’ll just leave you with a picture taken this summer. No nursing pictures, just one of a cute little boy enjoying some sunshine. Because he is MY sunshine.
He makes my soul smile
Oh my goodness you’ve totally made ME tear up at my desk this morning. While I hope and pray that I have a second child, I’m still so mixed up emotionally thinking about weaning Aiden. I know for a fact I could do it right now but I NEED it right now, haha. We will do it for a year for sure, but we’re already down to 3 times a day and he’s already in love with cow’s milk and food. Imagining not having our little moments, especially in the AM, kill me. Ugh. But I know he’s ready and will be fine when it happens. It’s just so sad.
Yeah…we had a bit of a rough time last night, but for less than an hour and he didn’t seem to hold a grudge this morning. As much as I’m happy to be finished, I’ll never forget the feel of his little hands against my boobs.
BEAUTIFUL xo
Thank you!
I want to cry for you. In fact I dd a little, just between you and me.
Me too, friend. Me, too.
Thank you.
I love your overwhelming love.
You better, because I have overwhelming love for you!
So sweet and sad. I hope to be able to nurse. I hope I can I hope I can I hope I can. I really do. I think I will have to pump though considering I have to go back to work about six weeks after delivery. Sigh. Major props for skin to skin the WHOLE time!
You can! There are so many resources out there. I had a lot of trouble with The Tornado at first and I saw a bunch of lactation consultants and went to a few clinics until it clicked. By the time she was about a month old, we had it down to an art. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help! It doesn’t come as naturally as people assume sometimes.
I think that’s what I’m worried about! I thought it would come easily and then reading this and that has made me realize that’s not always the case. I will definitely get help if I feel I need it. I really want to be able to provide my little one with the healthy stuff. ;]
I love your heart – you’re a good mom!
Thank you so much! Your warmth always makes me smile.
Beautifully written and, oh do I feel for you. I felt the same way when my youngest (and last) weaned. It is the thing I still miss about having a baby. I can do without the snuggly littleness and the carrying and all that, but I still miss nursing.
It’s so weird. I wanted it to go so smoothly, and now I just put him down to sleep and he didn’t cry at all and part of me almost wanted him to at least protest a LITTLE. Sigh…
I asked him why he preferred mother’s milk, and he said,
1. The mice can’t get at it.
2. It is so easy to carry around.
3. It comes in such cute containers.