Ignorance is Bliss
I’ve spent the past couple of years dealing quite well with a steady level of exhaustion.
When I was pregnant, people would tell me the ever-famous, “Sleep now, because soon you won’t be able to!” This is bullshit for so many reasons, and raise your hands if you’re with me, anyone-who-has-ever-been-pregnant.
1. Pregnant women don’t sleep. YOU swallow a watermelon and tell me how super comfortable you are and how much you love life. Do it! Whatever, liar. It just doesn’t work that way. If you’re not trying to find a perfect/awkward spot that doesn’t leave you with massive carpal tunnel pain/cramping/OMG DON’T LAY LIKE THAT IT WILL KILL YOUR BABY, then you’re off to the bathroom every twenty minutes. So there goes your night.
2. I have a toddler who only sometimes sleeps through the night. So on the off chance that I could quell the bladder sensations long enough to get a little bit comfortable, I would hear MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY and off I would go to crawl into bed with The Tornado.
3. Besides, I’m not worried. I’m the parent of a toddler, I KNOW EXHAUSTION. Right?
WRONG!
I had blissfully forgotten what newborn exhaustion felt like.
This about sums it up
(photo from gkaval.home.mruni.eu)
Don’t get me wrong, faithful readers, Bob Marley is a dream baby. He’s adorable and snuggly and warm and makes funny grown up farts, and he even sleeps quite well considering how fresh he is to the world. And yet, I’m exhausted. Like, eyeballs feel fuzzy, my brainy no worky exhausted.
I have a theory. I don’t have any science to back this up, but science doesn’t prove anything (credit: Jesus camp)
Newborn exhaustion must be more than just sleep deprivation. I believe that newborns are little energy vampires who suck out your lifeforce. Often through your nipple. Now please don’t think that I’m being mean, I don’t believe that they are doing this for any malicious reasons. It’s just their state of being. It’s who they are. Pregnancy brain doesn’t go away, sleep doesn’t happen for any meaningful number of hours in a row, and you are slowly getting drained of nutrients, water, and will to live through your once-amazing titties.
Throw in a toddler, and it’s game over.
Consider this my PSA to you, lovely readers. Think long and hard before reproducing multiple times. It’s super eff-wording hard. That being said, I reserve the right to ammend this statement once amazing fun and tender family moments start happening, assuming I’m awake enough to appreciate them.
OMG you have summed it up nicely and I am sooo raising my hand!!!!
I am also sure once Bob Marley has grown out of his ‘sucking the very life from you’ stage that you will indeed amend your statement. Hang in there. 🙂
YES! YES and YES! Your theory is absolutely true. Newborns do suck the lifeforce through your nipples. It’s like a fog, and you can’t recover your brain until the newborn phase is done. I spent most days in a zombie induced stupor. The only good part was that I never had to get out of my pj’s! 🙂
I think I have to stop reading your blog at work and save them for home. I laugh so hard. I SO remember the eyeball fuzzies. They lasted for about 10 months after B was born. It’s BRUTAL!!!! I feel for you, I really really do. But those tender moments, aaahhhhhhhhhhh so freaking great aren’t they?!?! Ugh I hear my baby clock starting to tick louder as I recall my tender moments. So precious!
Tell your clock to shut up. One is enough! Come over for a glass (bottle) of wine and I’ll cure you.
haha grown-up farts. you’re not to tired to be hilarious, as usual 😉 you’re fine! lol xxoo
hahahaaha we both posted about lack of sleep and exhaustion. This is universal it seems.
Honesty is so lovely! Thank you for spilling the beans and saying all that is true. It is horribly hard to nurse, love and care for a newborn, let alone remember to care for yourself. Throw in a toddler (as I did when I had my second) and it is game over. Keep your camera close by because “once amazing fun and tender family moments start happening” you need the pictures to prove to yourself you were there (awake and participating), enjoying the moment, they do happen! Good luck to you mama, I so lived these words you just wrote three years ago and you are SO RIGHT.
I have totally joked about le bebe sucking my life force out of my body via the nips… It’s just the natural conclusion. ” I don’t have any science to back this up, but science doesn’t prove anything (credit: Jesus camp)” —> PERFECT PROOF! I laughed so hard when I read that. Which is saying a lot. Because H kept me up all night and it’s my birthday and I fully suspect that J won’t even get me a present (I’m gunning for a proposal, but I know I’ll be lucky to even get flowers… ugh. Men) and I’m more than a little bit bummed. The exhaustion just amplifies everything! Fine when you’re in a good mood. Makes you absolutely giddy. But when you’re in a bad mood? I want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow when it’s all over!
OH NO!!!! HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY WISHES to you!
I love reading your posts! as tired as you are, please keep them coming 🙂 I think we forget so that we would still procreate … Otherwise, we may think more than twice. Ignorance really is bliss.
This is exactly why I posted this. To remind me to STOP PROCREATING.
LOL, Oh my hat you made me laugh so hard I almost needed a nappy 🙂
My “baby” is 22 years old now…and I tell him all the time how he just zapped all my brain cells right out of my head!! You’ll realize this yourself, when you actually try to do anything that involves dealing with other adults without children…they’ll just look at you funny!! Won’t understanding a thing you’re saying! Oh, I understand what you’re saying alright!! Great post!! Praying for restful sleep for you…soon!!!
I can’t even imagine talking to adults without children right now. They would think I was full blown mentally deficient.
Yep, yep, yep. The exhaustion is other wordly. I still have it and mine are 3 and 1.5. I am always effing tired. I never get tired of posts about sleep. I am obsessed with it. And I can’t have a third because of it.
Oh there will NEVER be a third. No one is ever allowed to ejaculate inside me ever again.