My Loincloth Brings All the Boys to the Yard
I would have made a great cave woman. I’m almost certain of this.
I know what you’re thinking. Obviously I’d make a great cave woman. I would look OUTSTANDING in a loin cloth!
This is almost EXACTLY how I look when I dress as a cave woman. Except my hair is darker.
But that’s not the reason. And it’s not even because the idea of a paleo diet gives me a lady boner. Although those are both compelling reasons to nominate me for Potential Cave Bunny of the Year, my reasoning goes back to a theme I’ve talked about many times before.
TRIBE TRIBE TRIBE!
I firmly believe that we are meant to be a tribal society. We need interaction. We need to live and work and celebrate and mourn and play and do all of our fun things together. We do better when we have others with us, not just for the logistical aspect of being able to do more things with more people, but for the emotional reasons as well.
Back in the olden days, we lived in groups. The men would hunt, the women would do everything else, and life was full of human interactions. It truly took a village to raise a child. The children would all play together and learn from each other and watch each other, and the mothers always had someone to help them through the rough times when The Tornado was driving them crazy they needed some extra support. They didn’t post a status on Facebook and then laugh quietly to themselves about the comments. NO! They turned to the woman beside her and would scream-whisper, “OMG DID SHE REALLY JUST TRY TO EAT A CIGARETTE BUTT WOOLY MAMMOTH BONE???” and then they would roll their eyes together and go on with their day, happier because they were able to connect, as humans over how crazy their children are.
This weekend was full of wonderful interactions. Family was in and out of the house all weekend (including one sassy little toddler who let herself out and was found exploring the driveway, but we won’t talk about that because then we’ll need heart medication) and it was sooooooo good for the soul. I need my tribe. I. JUST. DO. There’s something completely therapeutic about having women all around you with cups of tea and sage advice. Even MORE therapeutic to have women all around you with glasses of wine and funny stories. And I’ll happily take any and all of those scenarios.
If I could be the architect of my life, we would have a huge compound somewhere, where all the family and close friends could live together, all having their own private areas, but congregating often in common space where most of the living happened. We would cook together, eat together, dance together, and laugh together. There would be fires going until late at night, where the older kids would have s’mores and the adults would drink and tell stories and then we would go off to our separate beds, ready to congregate again in the morning over coffee. Bliss.
Hmm…maybe I would make a better cult member than cave woman. But either way, you KNOW I’m gonna rock the loin cloth.
I want to be a part of your CulTribe!
YES PLEASE!!!
Sounds like you long to be a Sister Wife! I’m in!
Except nooooooooooooooooooo, because I don’t share my men. I want the Sisters, but I need them to have their own husbands and not look at mine.
Living in community as you described is rarer and rarer, but it can be so very helpful, joyful, therapeutic, and fun. My husband and I dream/joke/hope about having a “family compound” someday, much like you imagined. Reading your post, I’m reminded of the mini-community of college dorm life–where I could leave my door open, have friends pop in from time to time, study together, eat together, laugh and cry together…the closest I come to that now is when my parents and/or in-laws visit, but they all live over an hour away (not bad, but not exactly immediately available), or the friendship I have with my next door neighbor. Our kids are similar in age and sometimes we’ll sit in lawn chairs in the cul-de-sac and watch the kids play while sipping coffee. There has been a rise in “intentional communities” lately among some churches I know (not cults!), and I think that speaks to that instinct we have as humans not to live in isolation! Great post! (I’m glad your toddler is OK, too–I would definitely need heart meds after that.)
That is exactly the kind of thing that I mean – sitting together while the kids kind of free-range roam around and everyone is loosely TOGETHER and there is no isolation.
I need to get The Church of Anita off the ground. Maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough credit when I said I could be a cult MEMBER…
I totally have that song in my head now. So glad you had a great weekend!
I want to live there. In your commune. 🙂 I think you’d like my tribe members as well and we’d all get along famously.
You are ALWAYS welcome in my commune!!!
Your commune sounds dreamy! I could see it now . . . all the ladies sipping on their Cabernet while the babies run around barefoot. Life would be so simple and slow. No alarm clocks to disturb our slumber. We could all take turns taking long naps!
It’s like you’re reading my miiiiiind!!!!!
YES I love this!
They do exist…I know of one near the Columbia River on the Washington side. All you are describing is there!
I totally agree with this and I think this is exactly why I LOVE Thanksgiving. It is all about Tribe, gathering, enjoying, celebrating what you are grateful for. I long for that opportunity everyday. It is lonely raising children today, I long for a tribe…I know others do too. But, there is something pulling most of us away from that type of life, I am not sure why. There is so much more satisfaction in connecting with your children, other mamas, nature than getting a rockin’ deal on Black Friday and going back to your isolated house to enjoy it.
I am on a mission to find my tribe. I didn’t know it would take so much effort. But, when I read posts like yours I know it is where I need to put my energy…it is what makes me feel at home.
I’m on that mission, too, but it’s HARD. How do you hunt for a tribe without feeling desperate? I feel like tribes should happen organically, but that becomes harder and harder as we grow older.
I was sent this article by my sister-in-law, we talk about this topic a lot, I think it speaks well on this topic and where the issue really is.
For me, I think I have realized my tribe doesn’t outright exist yet. I have to cultivate it through time spent with families (especially mamas) I find a connection with. I thought it would just happen but it hasn’t so I am going to make it happen. I don’t feel desperate, I feel empowered and I am slowly adding to my tribe. It is in the infant stages but I am hopeful.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1
That’s a great article. I agree with a lot that it mentioned.
I’m hoping that this maternity leave will be a productive one in terms of growing my tribe. I already know a few local moms that are lovely, and there’s still lots of time.
CHEERS to our growing tribes!
Paleo-five! (That’s a high five for those of us with paleo diet ladyboners.) And I’m with you — being an only child made me a sad one when my parents divorced and I felt very tribeless. Despite my teenage insistence that I would never need anyone again EVER, finding a tribe of my own was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Cheers to primal, tribal life! In sexy loincloths!
I’m a product of divorce as well, but it seems like EVERYONE is these days. So sad.
I hope my children never have to go through that. But I married the best guy ever, and I’m the best chick ever, so I think we should be ok…
Better than okay, it seems! Here’s to finding solid, awesome relationships with solid, awesome people. (Y’know, as opposed to non-solid ones. Like ghosts?)
You know, I have to admit…that sounds wonderful! I need a tribe!
This. I can’t recall how many times we’ve discussed this with different groups of friends. Buying some huge old farm house together or something. Each couple gets a room. Little kids share a room….and just…be together and count on each other…but then I think about actually living with some of those people and I’m not sure I want that either….there’s gotta be compound type things. Would love to find one.
I think you’re really onto something here! I think this is how humans were meant to live and interact as a society. They say that men and women with a strong social network (and who feel needed by that social network) live longer! So tribes = longer, healthier lives. I’m in!
See??? JOIN MY CULT AND LIVE FOREVER!!!
She beauty queen,,,
Yes, yes, yes! Tribes are the only way to raise children; the thing that makes parenting today “hard” for so many people is the over-reliance on the nuclear family.
Agreed!!! Life is so much EASIER when you’re not trying to do everything by yourself.
That is too funny. It’s always nice to have family and friends over! I hope everything is going well for you! =]
I love this because it’s true and also because you made me laugh hysterically. I miss my tribe 😦 I have felt so alone these last few weeks because I live so far away from my dear ones. Time to make new friends I guess. J won’t be convinced to move even though we live in fear of his crazy stalker ex-girlfriend way up here where the population is so thin it’s hard to hide. Stupid country side.
Ok, so I’d actually like living here if I could move my whole tribe here, but until then I miss Toronto. LE sigh.
I wish we lived closer. I would be invading your space on the regular.
I wish too! So close yet so far…
my loner self needs more people like YOU in my tribe…
You’ll be one of the first people I invite into my cult!
‘Cavewoman…. Wow!
‘Cavewoman…. Wow! 😀