Blink and You’ll Miss It

Something fishy is going on, kittens.  I can’t explain it.  I need someone really good at science to break this down for me.

Moments ago, I had a tiny little baby.

tiny baby

I’m not lying. LOOKIT HOW LITTLE SHE WAS!

I’m not an idiot.  I know that some time has passed.  But yesterday, I was completely blindsided when I went to pick up my sweet tiny little baby princess at daycare.  SWEET and TINY and LITTLE and BABY.

Or, you know, not.

graduation

WHAT WHAT WHAT??? How did this happen? WHO AUTHORIZED THIS???

I’m at a loss for words.  This is the girl that woke up 7000 times last night, 6000 times asking for hugs, and 1000 times wanting a cookie.  This is the girl that crawls into my lap, smooshes my face for a kiss, and won’t settle down for a proper snuggle until all my hair is “out of way, mommy!”  She’s just LITTLE!  She’s MINE!  And now I have to share her with 24 preschool friends???

So what the shit is going on?  People always told me that time would go quickly, but this is PRESCHOOL.  Now instead of sitting in her bouncy chair, she looks up at me and tells me, “Oh mommy!  I had a big day!  BIG DAY, MOMMY!”

cute baby

BACK IN THE CHAIR, KID!

As far as I can figure it, I’m a GENIUS!  I’ve somehow totally perfected the art and science of time travel and I’m actually traveling back and forth through alternate dimensions (or UNIVERSES, you guys!  Maybe I’ve discovered alternate UNIVERSES!) and that is why I all of a sudden wake up as the parent of a preschooler.

toddler

Oh Mother, relax and let me explain to you the intricacies of aging. You’re clearly getting senile and I’m a BIG GIRL!

Thank GOODNESS that Bob Marley will be here soon and I’ll be able to delude myself for a little while longer that I have tiny little babies and everything is FINE, JUST FINE.  Because seriously, you guys – what happened?

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