Wanna Play?

playground

This only LOOKS innocent and fun
(photo from thekiduniverse.com)

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw

Kittens, scary times are upon us.  Brace yourselves…this one is a real humdinger.

I’ve spent all of The Toddler Tornado’s short life trying to do things properly.  Trying is the key word here, people.  Somehow, hot dogs and TV (damn you, Dora!) slip into the equation much more often than I’d care to admit, and I unabashedly brandish chips and gummy candies as bribery tools motivation to listen to mommy.

The past couple of weeks have brought a cold, shameful fact to the surface.  We have no “parent” friends.  No one that we hang out with has kids Zofia’s age (or kids at all, really!) and we’ve been relying pretty exclusively on her time at daycare to provide all her socialization needs.

Not cool, kittens, not cool.

beautiful toddler

All this cuteness, and no one to appreciate it!

Well it’s time to branch out.  Apparently, as a certain alcoholic bear has pointed out, it’s time to hang up the I’m-too-cool-for-this-playground hat and start the daunting process of buddying up with the other stunned looking parents around us.

I have a great starting point.  There are two moms that seem funny and sarcastic and, dare I say it, even witty that I’ve got my eyes on.  We’ve done the name exchange.  Our kids, while not EXACTLY the same age, are close enough to play well together.  So now I just need to dazzle them with my charm and break into their tight-knit little circle.

But you guys, how does that HAPPEN these days?  I mean, this stuff used to be easy!

vodka

Back in the day, all you needed was BOOZE!

Is this still ok?  Do I just pull out a flask and toast our new-found friendship?  Do I get them to meet me behind the bleachers for a smoke and then go get tattoos?  How do you make friends around (and FOR) your children?

I’m lost here.  Completely out of my element.  I’ve never made cupcakes that looked like cartoon characters.  I’ve never hosted any event of which the police force would approve.  I don’t throw “coochie coo”s into my regular conversation.  I feel like a complete momtard.

Watch this space, kittens, for the unfolding saga of The Momtard’s version of How to Make Friends and Influence People, or at the very least, How to Not Turn Your Child into the Playground Pariah.

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